Madden Final Report: 2005

Dec. 15, 2005

Well the end of regular season has approached us and the post season has started. Madden has taken some needed time off to finish his finials and spend a week in court testifying. Man I don’t miss those days.

Now where do I start, first I would like to thank my friends for joining this league and hope you will be back. This league was started by me for friends, however some of my friends were very inactive this year. For those that know me very well: Terror Squad, New York Knights, gang green, Bartow Ford, Boston Beer Works, and Superdestroyers, know that I don’t hold back.

So this is Madden’s take on you as a owner and your team: I will end this season pissing some owners off: Remember if its in the game, its fair game.

Lets go in Madden’s order of how he thinks the season will end:

Gang Green (AKA Accident Prone) at number 10. You started off strong then like flies your team started dropping. However, you came in second in the add/drops and you still suck. Bad coaching bro. “If you were in good hands with (Allstate),” you just might have had those players insured. I know you are a very experienced fantasy owner but what happened? Never the less I could not think of a better friend to bring beer next year, then you. Gang Green will return. The first pick of next years draft goes to Gang Green, your on the clock. Ladies and Gentlemen, Gang Green has left the building. “Thank you. Thank you very much."(Elvis)

Bartow Ford (AKA Built Not So Tough) at number 9. Bartow Ford, last man invited to the draft, however made some good picks, but your team did not have “the heart beat of America”(Chevy) and you were no “American Revolution.”(Chevy) Plain in simple you also sucked this year, but you won’t be bringing beer to next years draft, at least I think you can win the Toilet Bowl.

Superdestroyers (AKA SLOT Player) at number 8. Superdestroyers my Buccaneer buddy. I am just glad you got to play. Having you and DMB at the draft made it entertaining. At least you were not the one sucking cocks at this years draft.

“Surprise, surprise, surprise!"(Gomer Pyle) That describes your season. From learning what a slot player is to how you write an article, with a picture. Your team is tough and you surprised all of us with the way you played this game, and how you did on add/drops. Lets just say at times you were "Ssssmoking” (Jim Carrey, The Mask). I know you will be back next year. I know you will do better next year, because now you know "And knowing is half the battle." (GI JOE).

Terror Squad (AKA Osama Bin Laden) at number 7. Tracy my old buddy. I thought it was going to be you and I in the Super Bowl, but then GOD punished you for all those N.Y. Jokes. Your season can be summed up by saying, "Oooof...!" (Sheriff Buford T. Justice) After New York Knights pointed out what your line up really looked like, you were never really “playing with power” (A slogan for Nintendo's ).

Daddy Mo Bucs (AKA Daddy No Bucks) at number 6. DMB what can I say, your season started off with a fucked up draft. I think every one in the room told you to suck a dick at some point. “Survey says!” (Richard Dawson, Family Feud)

Your team sucked. However, you did make it to the first round of the playoffs, something 4 other teams did not do. Now for the real question that you won’t seem to answer, ARE YOU COMING BACK? I need to know for the league. I have a replacement if you don’t but we would all like our cock sucker back. But no answer would mean that "The tribe has spoken." And your out (Jeff Probst, Survivor). DMB it is all in good fun, no hard feelings. For real Congrats on making the Post Season. However, I do think you need a new name next year, there is no Fear in DMB. Besides you have to know more about the Bucs then starting from 2002.

Detroit Latin Stars (AKA the Silent Collaborator) at number 5. Detroit L.S., you came into the draft silent and you end the season silent. However, I know that you were active, you did post a couple articles and you were involved in add/drops. Congrats on making the Post Season. "Hasta la vista, baby” (Terminator)

Sukmyditka (AKA Sukaterd) at number 4, Sukaterd, you came to the draft a ball of fire. Then you just died. It was like you did not even play this year. "Believe it...or not" (Ripley’s Believe it or not) the league is more fun when you actually take part in it.

It is "Elementary" Dear Sukmyditka, (Sherlock Holmes) that you respond to the articles written about you. You left a lot of us owners wondering if you were in Kansas, "I don't think we're in Kansas anymore, Toto." (Wizard of Oz). Nope this is not Kansas just a fantasy football league. "You want the truth? You want the truth?! You can't HANDLE THE TRUTH!" ( Jack Nicholson's character Colonel Jessep). The truth is that you should participate in this league other wise we think you are boring and should not come back, which you are not boring. Congrats on making the playoff’s, but I bet you don’t even know that you are one game away from the Super Bowl. Hopefully we will see you next year. “This is Bob Barker, reminding you to help control the pet population by having your Sukmyditka’s spayed or neutered"

N.Y. Knights (Can’t keep a Good City Down) at number 3, New York Knights, my buddy. Congrats on making it this far. However all good thing come to an end and I think Boston Beer Works is the come back kid. I agree that your team “They're grrreat!" (Tony the Tiger) But your time has ended. You are the 3rd best team in this league. CYA at next years draft.

Cutthroat Pirates: (The Commish) at number 2, This is my team and even though I am the coach of the year with a winning record of 11-2, with my QB on IR and my number one WR suspended for the year, I still came out on top. "To be the Team, you gotta BEAT the Team!" (Ric Flair). Woooooooooooooooo (Ric Flair) No matter who wins the Crimson Division, I got my work cut out for me.

Boston Beer Works: (AKA Come Back Kid) number 1, Boston, I think your team could go all the way. It depends on if you "Stomp 'em! Crash 'em! Bash 'em!" (Mario Brothers). After you got your season back on track, I think you were like the Borg and told ever one "Resistance is futile" (Star Trek). At the end of this season Boston, you might be just like Jerry Maguire saying "Show me the money!" -(Tom Cruise )

Anyway thanks guys again for a great season. I have tried to make it entertaining for us all. "Nanoo, nanoo" (Robin Williams as Mork from Ork) ******

Madden Week 12 Awards: (3 weeks ago)
Team of the Week: Detroit Latin Stars with 121 points
Player of the Week: L. Tomlinson with 38 points
Game of the Week: Terror Squad 105 Bartow Ford 104
Def of the Week: Dolphins Def 22 points.
Most Improved Team: Boston Beer Works
The Shit Team: Daddy Mo Bucs with lowest points 68
The Lame Ass Article: DMB *****

Madden Week 13 Awards: (2 weeks ago)
Team of the Week: Bartow Ford with 138 points
Player of the Week: Lee Evans with 29 points
Game of the Week: Boston Beer Works 89 Sukmyditka 80
Def of the Week: (Tie) Giants/Colts Def 23 points.
Most Improved Team: Boston Beer Works
The Shit Team: Gang Green with lowest points 50
The Lame Ass Article: DMB *******

Here is the Annual Awards Presented by Madden:
Team of the Year: Sukmyditka (3 Team of the Week Awards)
Player of the Year: Ladainian Tomlinson (3 Player of the Week Awards)
Game of the Year: Detroit Latin Stars against New York Knights (TIE) Game 100 points each.
Def of the Year: Colts (4 Def Team of the Week Awards)
Most Improved Year: Boston Beer Works
The Shit Team of the Year: (Tied) Gang Green and DMB (3 Shit Team Weekly Awards, based off lowest points scored during a week)
The Lame Ass Article of the Year: DMB’S DMB CHURCH SIGN?
Owner/Coach of the Year: Cutthroat Pirates 11-2 Best Record in League
Worst Owner/Coach of the Year: Gang Green 2-11 Record in league League

Records:
Highest points in a game: SUKATERD with 141
Lowest points in a game: Gang Green with 43
1st Tie in the League with 100 points scored N.Y. Knights and Detroit Latin Stars
Team undefeated: Bartow Ford 3-0 (Season Record for this League) (Ends at 3-0)
Biggest Rival to date: Terror Squad VS N.Y. Knights
Team to end the Undefeated streak: Superdestroyers over Bartow Ford
Lowest number of Articles: Gang Green, , (1 )
Best Season record: Cutthroat Pirates 11-2
Worst Season record: Gang Green 2-11
Owner with the fucked up draft: Daddy Mo Bucs
Least active owner: Sukmyditka
Highest Points in a Season: Sukmyditka 1345.0
Lowest Points in a Season: Gang Green 1000.0
Most Add/Drops: Cutthroat Pirates
Least Add/Drops: Sukmyditka