Madden Week 6 Report 2005

Oct. 18, 2005 -President Bush, Giuliani, and Madden celebrate New York Knights win over Terror Squad


This week the Madden Report is not being done byJohn Madden, himself. It seems that our leagues war on terrorist has caused President Bush to take a stand and write this weeks Madden Report.

On Week 2 and 3, 2005 enemies of New York Teams committed an act of war against our League. New Yorkers have known wars -- but for two Sundays in a row in 2005, the Terror Squad leaded by coach Osama Bin Laden, destroyed both New York teams. Terror Squad then showed off their devastation by posting photos of the towers/teams they destroyed. New York teams have known the casualties of war -- but not at the center of a great city on a peaceful afternoon. New Yorkers have known surprise attacks -- but never before on Sunday. All of this was brought upon us in two weeks -- and night fell on a different league, a league where this league itself is under attack.

Owners/Teams had many questions during those two weeks. Owners were asking: Who attacked our New York Teams? The evidence we have gathered all points to a collection of weak affiliated terrorist organizations known as Terror Squad. They are the same team indicted for beating Detroit Latin Stars, and Boston Beer Works. Terror Squad is to terror what the mafia is to crime. But his goal is not winning the Super Bowl and winning money; his goal is to destroy both New York Teams -- and imposing its radical beliefs on owners everywhere.

The League respects the team of Terror Squad -- after all, we are currently a ten team league- but we condemn the Owners regime. (Applause.) This past Sunday the New York Knights made a crushing blow on the Terror Squad. The Knights also issued demands to all other owners in the league:

“Beat the team known as the Terror Squad and coach Osama Bin Laden each week.
Make this team part of the Toilet Bowl (Applause.) Refrain from writing any
articles about New York. Post an article on how your team is sorry, and sucks
camel balls. (Applause.) Give the New York teams full access to your terrorists
roster, so we can set your line up each week, and make sure they are no longer
operating. These demands are not open to negotiation or discussion.” (Applause.)

Terror Squad must act, and act immediately. They will hand over the terrorists Osama Bin Laden, or they will share in their fate of a losing season. Our war on terror begins with Terror Squad, but it does not end there. It will not end until every terrorist group of our league has been played and defeated. (Applause.) We have seen the state of our League in the endurance of owners, fighting for wins. We have seen the line-ups, the trades, the add/drops, the saying of prayers -- in English, Hebrew, and Arabic. We have seen the decency of loving and giving players who have made the game their own. My fellow owners, for the last six weeks, the entire league has seen for itself the state of our teams-- and it is strong. (Applause.)

Tonight we are a league awakened to danger and called to defend this league. Our grief has turned to anger, and anger to resolution. Whether we beat our opponents at home , or beat our opponents in their house, justice will be done. (Applause.)

I thank the Owners for their leadership at such an important time. All of the teams were touched on the evening of the defeat. The Terror Squad is now in hiding, back in the caves. To see Titanium Division and Crimson Division Owners joined together on the field, singing "God Bless this League." And you did more than sing; you acted, by supporting New York Knights, who delivered the crushing blow to Osama Bin Laden and the Terror Squad. Owner of the New York Knights, I thank you for your friendship, for your leadership and for your service to our league. (Applause.) And on behalf of this league, I thank the owners, who write articles and support this league, you make it what it is.

This League will never forget the sounds of our National Anthem playing in the caves of the Terror Squad‘s field as the Knights were victorious. Now lets stand strong behind Gang Green as they head into battle one last time with the Terror. If you are all wondering why John Madden is writing on this war, ask yourself what else is there to talk about?

DMB is still listening to the hit single the Sounds of Silence by Simon & Garfunkel. Madden would also like to thank Simon & Garfunkel for rewriting their song to: “Will DMB Break the Sounds of Silence” for last weeks article. Thank you. (Applause.)

Madden Week Six Awards:

Team of the Week: Detroit Latin Stars with 120 points
Player of the Week: Shaun Alexander with 38points
Game of the Week: Terror Squad vs. New York Knights
Def of the Week: 3 way tie: Falcons, Panthers, and Chiefs Def all 20 points
Most Improved Team: New York Knights now 3-3 and has defeated Terror Squad
The Shit Team: Daddy Mo Bucs 63 (lowest points scored this week)

Records to break:
Highest points in a game: Boston Beer Works with 140
Lowest points in a game: Tied Daddy Mo Bucs and Superdestroyer with 63
Tie with 100 points scored N.Y. Knights and Detroit Latin Stars
Team undefeated: Bartow Ford 3-0 (Season Record for this League) (Ends at 3-0)
Biggest Rival to date: Terror Squad VS N.Y. Knights/Gang Green
Team to end the Undefeated streak: Superdestroyers over Bartow Ford
Lowest number of Articles: (tied)Gang Green, SUKMYDITKA, and Detroit Latin Stars (1 each)